One minute I'm walking down the street appreciating every breathe I take in and am completely high off life, the next minute I step directly into the biggest pile of crap I have ever witnessed. (based on a true account)
Luckly, I laughed it off. It was the first time I looked directly up into the sky while walking. So I got what was coming. Even though this happened just once (well twice with the crap thing in one day), this sort of metaphor represents my entire week.One minute I love the life I'm currently living, the next I feel vulnerable and trapped. I miss my home, I miss my boyfriend, and I miss my friends- but those are all physical beings that will be there when I return. I need to keep reminding myself that this trip isn't about the social aspect of meeting new people and making a good impression. This trip is about who I am and what I'm capable of doing/thinking. Because in the end, I'm going to return home and we will all go our separate ways. And when I go to sleep, all that will be there is me, so why not just work on ME?
Anyways, I am in my third week of Study Abroad and all that I have gained, so far, are buddies and weight! By no means am I complaining, I am just rethinking my outlook on this trip- which is a very good thing. I think I now know what it feels like to be the freshmen at a four year college. I have freedom! And boy does it feel good. No I am not going all out and partying everynight, but I am letting myself go (not just physically). Does that make sense? I'm forgetting what I represent, I am forgetting who I am trying to become. A genuine, humble, and kind soul!
Funny this is though, I was told the other day by one of my buddies, "man Erin, I was wrong about you, you're chill as hell and just like one of the guys." hahaha okay, maybe I am the same person I was before I left- but I want more than that. I seriously need to do more reflecting. I need to write, draw, type, paint. I need to do more reflecting! My mind constantly runs with new ideas, thoughts, and opinions, but are never shown into the light. I swear I have ADHD, but that's besides the point. Anyways I need to start doing more of these things but I am just way too lazy. Maybe I can finally get my postcards written and mailed out this weekend. All and all I just need some more alone time. I already have a shit ton, but you know
me, I always need more than the average person! haha I don't know if I can call that independence, but whatever it is I'm completely satisfied with it.
After I clean up today, while trapped inside from the rain, I will take pictures of my new place. I know many of you are dying to see. Well I apologize, or not, for having this blog be more about thoughts than action. It all just depends on my mood, really. And nothing too insane has been going on to report about. Just thoughts =) Alright well I'm off to... uh do something. Who knows what. Love you all very much, and you'll be hearing from me soon! Ciao!!
- Erin Willis
(in this bottom photo, doubt you can tell, I tried to capute the beautiful snow fall that hit us last week)